{"id":178,"date":"2016-01-15T12:45:34","date_gmt":"2016-01-15T19:45:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ogbornelaw.com\/?p=178"},"modified":"2023-07-25T16:04:46","modified_gmt":"2023-07-25T16:04:46","slug":"talking-your-teen-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/webtechs-designs.com\/2023Ogborne\/talking-your-teen-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"Tips for Talking to Your Teen about Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The teenaged years are a complex time for your child, as they continue their transition from childhood to becoming an adult.<\/p>\n<p>During these years your teen is figuring out who they want to be in the world, what\u2019s important to them, and how to become their own person.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_76 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/webtechs-designs.com\/2023Ogborne\/talking-your-teen-divorce\/#Teens_World_View\" >Teen\u2019s World View<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/webtechs-designs.com\/2023Ogborne\/talking-your-teen-divorce\/#Common_Concerns\" >Common Concerns<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/webtechs-designs.com\/2023Ogborne\/talking-your-teen-divorce\/#What_To_Do\" >What To Do<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Teens_World_View\"><\/span>Teen\u2019s World View<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>While the teenaged years are a wide range (13 to 18), there are some commonalities across the ages that are crucial to address.<\/p>\n<p>These are the years of your child\u2019s life when they realize that you\u2019re a flawed human being. It\u2019s difficult to accept the truth that mom &amp; dad aren\u2019t perfect but it\u2019s also very liberating because it gives them permission to be imperfect. This liberation is often demonstrated as rebellious behavior as they actively reject ideas and behaviors to find themselves.<\/p>\n<p>Getting a divorce is reinforcement of your perceived lack of perfection and can create resentment in your teen (especially if you\u2019re asking them to behave in a way that they think you\u2019re not \u2013 teens have very low tolerance for hypocrisy).<\/p>\n<p>Teens are aware of the difference between themselves and the actions of the people in the world around them. They\u2019re less likely to think that a divorce is their fault but they\u2019re more likely to be upset and frustrated by the impact of the divorce on their lives.<\/p>\n<p>Teens feel that a divorce is unfair to them and that you\u2019re making your problems their problems. With that said, a teen is likely to be very aware that the relationship at home isn\u2019t good.<\/p>\n<p>As your teen works to define who they are as an adult, they\u2019re going to have trouble engaging with you and the family during the course of the divorce. They\u2019re more likely to seek social circle support than family support because their social circle represents the identity they\u2019re choosing.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Common_Concerns\"><\/span>Common Concerns<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><strong>The Future<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Your teen is preparing for adulthood. They\u2019re thinking about college and what life is going to be like after they move out of the house. There is a big future ahead of them that is simultaneously exciting and terrifying.<\/p>\n<p>They\u2019re going to be worried about how your divorce will affect their ability to prepare for their future. Things, like changing schools or cutting lifestyle activities, are difficult for them to accept.<\/p>\n<p>While you may have little control over what the long-term future holds, it\u2019s critical to be mindful that your teen is going to focus on how the divorce will change their expected future and will be resentful of any change that looks like it\u2019s going to be taking something away.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Parental Love<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>While your teen may be challenging and going through the process of building their identity as an adult, your love and support during the divorce is just as important for them as it is with a younger child.<\/p>\n<p>For teens, the parents serve as a safe haven where they can hide from the world that they feel is judging them or from the pressures of working towards adulthood.<\/p>\n<p>And while your teen may not be as cuddly as they were when they were little, they need you exactly the same, because you are safe. It\u2019s the same reason your teen will be angry and disrespectful with you \u2013 they trust that no matter what, you\u2019ll always be there with them as they work through these issues.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Self Expression<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Going through the divorce requires a lot of your teen as they adapt to the changes in their life.<\/p>\n<p>The ability to express themselves is going to be critical to your teen and any sense they have that it isn\u2019t important to you can make it more difficult for them to handle your divorce.<\/p>\n<p>They\u2019re going to take whatever opportunity they have to let the world know how they feel. Some will do it through creating art, playing music, talking, or having emotional outbursts.<\/p>\n<p>Remember that all of these things are ways for your teen to process what they feel.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What_To_Do\"><\/span>What To Do<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Most important<strong>, you and your spouse must give your teen all of your patience<\/strong>. This is always challenging because parents are often stretched to the limit. This is why Ogborne Law focuses on providing professional support to help the family members work through difficult times during the divorce process.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Let your teen\u2019s teachers and coaches know about the divorce<\/strong> so they can watch for changes in behavior.<\/p>\n<p>Even if they won\u2019t talk to you, <strong>encourage them to express themselves in a healthy way<\/strong>. Encourage positive behaviors that you know will provide them an emotional outlet to deal with the feelings they have. And while your teen will actively seek the counsel of their social circle, point them in the direction of people that you trust to give them good guidance. Remember that at this juncture you\u2019re dealing with the reality that your teen is going to be bombarded with many messages and you need to do your best to help them find their way through.<\/p>\n<p>Last, know that your teen is not an adult, whatever they may think<strong>. It\u2019s critical not to treat them as a peer and over share regarding the causes of the divorce<\/strong>. When they become an adult they\u2019ll inevitably learn more and form their own opinions. Until then, you\u2019ll be unfairly burdening your teen with feelings and ideas that they\u2019re not equipped to handle.<\/p>\n<p><strong>As with all children, your teens need communication and honesty from you<\/strong>. They need to know you love them no matter what and that you and your spouse are always there for them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The teenaged years are a complex time for your child, as they continue their transition from childhood to becoming an adult. Here we discuss how to help you understand what they&#8217;re dealing with and how to connect better.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":11725,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-178","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce","category-30","description-off"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Tips for Talking to Your Teen about Divorce - Ogborne Law, PLC<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Talking to your teen about divorce is never easy. We&#039;ve provided some guidelines to help you understand what they&#039;re thinking about and how to talk to them.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Tips for Talking to Your Teen about Divorce\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Talking to your teen about divorce is never easy. 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