{"id":9963,"date":"2016-03-21T13:47:00","date_gmt":"2016-03-21T20:47:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ogbornelaw.com\/?p=219"},"modified":"2023-07-24T22:17:58","modified_gmt":"2023-07-24T22:17:58","slug":"coparenting-not-contest","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/webtechs-designs.com\/2023Ogborne\/coparenting-not-contest\/","title":{"rendered":"Co-parenting Is Not A Contest"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Divorce isn\u2019t easy on a family whether you\u2019re the spouse filing or receiving the summons or the children caught in the middle. And let\u2019s face it; even in the friendliest of divorces, there\u2019s negative impact on the children who now struggle to figure out the new family dynamic. Their lives aren\u2019t mom and dad in one house; they\u2019re figuring out the rules and schedule at two homes.<\/p>\n<p>Parents often feel the need to make up for lost time or spoil kids with gifts so they know they love them. The reality is that it\u2019s just a way for parents to assuage their own guilt and their actions can potentially harm the kids in the long run.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_76 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/webtechs-designs.com\/2023Ogborne\/coparenting-not-contest\/#All_fun_and_no_parenting\" >All fun and no parenting<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/webtechs-designs.com\/2023Ogborne\/coparenting-not-contest\/#Lavish_kids_with_gifts\" >Lavish kids with gifts?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/webtechs-designs.com\/2023Ogborne\/coparenting-not-contest\/#The_Best_Parents_Win\" >The Best Parents Win<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"All_fun_and_no_parenting\"><\/span>All fun and no parenting<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>When you see your kids on a limited basis, all you want to do is have fun with them. While it\u2019s great for them to know you and for you to spend quality time together, it shouldn\u2019t be without rules or guidelines.<\/p>\n<p>Kids crave boundaries and want to know you\u2019re the person in charge even if they don\u2019t always do what you tell them.<\/p>\n<p>While it may be the last thing you want, communicating with your ex about household rules for both houses will help the kids understand their lives are stable even if they now have two homes. It will present a united front to your children even if you know the struggle it is to make communication happen.<\/p>\n<p>Keeping the same bedtime ritual or after school schedule are among the most common rules divorced couples have for their shared children.<\/p>\n<p>And if you\u2019re on your own in enforcing rules, make sure the kids know who the parent is, even while they\u2019re having fun, by enforcing things like table manners.<\/p>\n<p>They will respect you more for the rules than they might ever tell you. Without the rules, they\u2019re left to wonder. With rules, they know the boundaries and will try to stay within them.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Lavish_kids_with_gifts\"><\/span>Lavish kids with gifts?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Divorce and bad money decisions unfortunately go hand in hand. Lapses in judgement during the marriage cause long-term financial challenges for both parents. What most people don\u2019t talk about is overspending when it comes to their children.<\/p>\n<p>If you don\u2019t spend a lot of time with your kids, you may feel a need to spend more than your budget allows for outings, gifts, and vacations.<\/p>\n<p>Today you might be the hero while the other parent struggles to pay for basic needs but the kids will come to expect this lifestyle. If it\u2019s not the lifestyle they had before the divorce, they may see it as the new normal. You could end up putting yourself in dire financial straits just to please your now-spoiled children.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not good for your financial future and it\u2019s not good for the kids to have unrealistic expectations of what you can provide.<\/p>\n<p>Whether it\u2019s time, rules, or money, you\u2019re creating a situation, whether you meant to or not, where your actions could be seen as intentionally using the children as pawns with your ex.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDaddy loves us more because he buys us more stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMommy lets us go to bed whenever we want.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_Best_Parents_Win\"><\/span>The Best Parents Win<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Whether you\u2019re spending money or breaking the rules, in the long run it will hurt your kids emotionally and even financially to try to win the affections of your children. As hard as it might be, your kids will appreciate you more for setting boundaries and loving them through a tough situation.<\/p>\n<p>Ultimately the only way to &#8220;win&#8221; is not to have a contest with your ex at all.<br \/>\nBe the parent your children need you to be, not the one they want you to be. It may be hard to be a disciplinarian when you don&#8217;t get to see them often but you owe it to them and yourself to be the best parent you can be &#8211; this means doing the right thing even when you don&#8217;t want to.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Co-parenting is hard and sometimes you can fall into the trap of competing with your ex-spouse for your kid&#8217;s love. When parents compete, nobody wins. We offer suggestions for how to resist the temptation and stay on track.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":11697,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30,35],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9963","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce","category-parenting","category-30","category-35","description-off"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Co-parenting Is Not A Contest - Ogborne Law, PLC<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Co-parenting isn&#039;t a contest. When you and your ex compete for your kids love, everyone loses. Learn how to stay on track to be the best parent.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Co-parenting Is Not A Contest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Co-parenting isn&#039;t a contest. When you and your ex compete for your kids love, everyone loses. 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